i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
