Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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