3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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