if you like me you must not know who I am
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
