We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
