didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Randomize
