dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I checked into jail on foursquare
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
