Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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