hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
