My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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