Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
