So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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