Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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