Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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