Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
