My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize