Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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