checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
