he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
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