Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
