21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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