Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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