i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
