I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
We got so high we made milksteak
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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