So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
