i just google imaged poop.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
