White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize