hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
