i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
mondays should just be called national damage control day
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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