I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
