Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
