quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Randomize
