Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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