Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
