The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
