Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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