my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
