In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
