were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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