I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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