you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I want a musical about memes.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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