I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I met the friendliest cop last night
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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