Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
