just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
