I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
