Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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