I didn't shave. On purpose
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
