I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
