Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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