Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
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