I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
