I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
