I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
