Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
