So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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