so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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