My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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