no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
