Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
