You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
