I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
