dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
