Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
