Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
