I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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