I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
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