I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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