last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
