the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
