Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
