Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
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