Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
