Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(407): View more from Florida

so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.

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(650): View more from California

some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!

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(406): View more from Montana

Its weird to pet your cat with a boner

(1-406): View more from Montana

What the fuck?

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her

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(313): View more from Michigan

Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill

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(319): View more from Iowa

I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.

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(734): View more from Michigan

he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.

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(980): View more from North Carolina

What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.

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(514): View more from Quebec

These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs

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