you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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