Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
