but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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