Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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