found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
