Your mouth is God's brothel.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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