He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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