Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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