I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
