He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Randomize
