when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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