Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
