Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize