is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
