Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
