I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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