guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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