somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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