I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
